Chains of Love

Renovation Realities

Applebee's franchises must remodel every six years and spend at least $200,000 per store. Does a 2009 Applebee's really look that different from a 2003 Applebee's? They all feel early '90s to me.

But now the company is planning a major restyling. The only hints given in the Wall Street Journal

are "upgraded exteriors, warmer color tones and, possibly, fewer tchotchkes" and "may see the walls, traditionally cluttered with framed photos of local scenes, incorporate wall paintings or other artwork evoking the neighborhood."

Do I hear skepticism in "possibly" and "may?" Lovers of clutter and tchotchkes need not worry about the Applebee's of the 2010s.

I am, however, looking forward to the artwork that will evoke the Fulton Mall. Cell phones, glasses, wigs and sneakers?

Photo from Bridge and Tunnel Club

O'Hare Macaroni Grill

According to Fortune, airport restaurants have been benefiting from longer waits and delayed flights. Bored passengers have been looking to time-killing activities like eating.

I know this first hand because just last Sunday I found myself at Macaroni Grill, a chain I’ve never frequented, inside O’Hare. Our airport van got us there way early and our flight was pushed back nearly an hour. The food court was packed solid and that wasn’t going to cut it anyway. I demanded a drink and er, atmosphere.

I loved the faux alfresco concourse view; if you have enough house chianti and squint you might imagine you’re glimpsing ruins of The Appian Way (which I just knew would have to be the name of a chain restaurant).

Behold the Sicilian: pepperoni, sausage, fontina and mozzarella. It wasn’t half-bad for an airport food diversion.

Romano’s Macaroni Grill * O’Hare Airport, Chicago, IL

Buzzkill

Maybe getting your server’s attention is a common problem in casual dining chains--hence the need for Applebee’s introducing a device to buzz your waiter--but I’ve always found the opposite to be true.

Then again, I’m probably a nightmare for servers because I eat incredibly slow and always throw off the pacing. I’m never ready when they periodically check-in and the entrée always shows up way before I’m done with my starter. I need an anti-buzzer.

However, Jan Higgins, 42, of Deltona, loves the concept. "The idea that we don't have to wait, we don't have to flag somebody down, that's awesome."

Photo: Joe Burbank/Orlando Sentinel

Waffling

Harlem's first Applebee's opened today but Uptown Flavor was lucky enough to attend an opening party this weekend. What caught my attention was mention of the restaurant serving items from local businesses such as Make My Cake just as Downtown Brooklyn Applebee's provides slices of Cake Man Raven red velvet cakes, and that "They will also feature a few Harlem specific dishes that are exclusive to the Harlem restaurant."

I'm curious what these hyper-regional dishes will be. All I can imagine is chicken and waffles, which has become so pervasive that the version served at Buttermilk Channel down the street from my apartment was on the cover of last week's Time Out New York. How do you interpret "Harlem specific?"

Applebee All that You Can Be

Over 6,500 people applied at the Bronx Applebee’s that opened this summer. There were only positions available for approximately 1.8% of the hopefuls. Both sad and fascinating, The New York Times has audio interviews with a few of the lucky ones hired.

My favorite quote is from Latifa Jackson: “I call my son ‘Applebaby,’ because he’s always at Applebee’s. He eats macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes. He knows what he likes. My managers like him, they bring him apple juice and stuff. They nicknamed him ‘Applebaby,’ so that’s his name.

Many years ago I had a minor obsession with a guy who lived in my building whose last name was Riblet. Just think if he had gone by Applebaby, instead.

Legal Sea Foods

Did I love it? Eh, it’s purely a platonic relationship.

Not that I make a habit of frequenting higher end seafood chains, but my recent experiences at McCormick & Schmick's and now at Legal Sea Foods (not so much Bonefish Grill—I’m sad that I didn’t have time to use my $10 ten-year [dating] anniversary gift card before it expired. If you don’t mind giving out personal information, you can get promotional gift cards on your birthday and anniversary for registering on their site. I get off on crap like this) have felt a little desolate and dreary. I’m not sure if it’s the economy or that I dine too late and the room has emptied out by the time I’m hungry (that’s what eating sliders for lunch at 4pm will do to you). At 9:30pm on this particular Saturday, there were only five or so other tables occupied while on my previous visit in 2004 there was a solid 45-minute-wait.

The shrimp dumplings--or rather wontons as they called them--were preferable to P.F. Chang’s version. The shrimp tasted like shrimp and the wakame salad was refreshing for a chain appetizer.

Bizarrely, I liked everything about this special except the fish. The mahi mahi was overcooked and a bit lifeless, but I liked the Spanish-meets-fall flavors of kale, raisins and sweet potatoes. I’m not sure where the cashew crust fits in to all of that. I probably would’ve used pecans because that seemed more logical.

I’ve never been to a restaurant, chain or otherwise, so aggressive in talking up its wine. I don’t need any prompting, as I’m one of those oddballs who always requires an alcoholic beverage with my chain dinners because I’m classy (one of the reasons why I don’t gravitate toward fast food unless it’s the daytime or super late night). But our server must’ve just attended a pep talk on promoting their Chilean wine, also boldly announced in an insert in the drink list. I think the Olive Garden servers are also supposed to highlight wine, but at least in the city they don’t even make an effort.

We appeased him by ordering a glass of Cono Sur Pinot Noir, then he went into a spiel about how you can now take unfinished bottles or wine home due to changes in the law. (I was just going to say that I’ve never seen anyone actually take advantage of this, but the other night two women at Bocca Lupo ordered a second bottle between them. I admired their moxie. They did take a majority of that bottle to go, though.) Eh, I started with a cocktail so one glass was fine.

Speaking of wine, the next time I’m at the Garden State Plaza I’m totally eating at the Napa Valley Grille. There’s something very twisted about attempting to emulate West Coast wine country inside a New Jersey mall. Even better though, would be eating at the Napa Valley Grille in Yountville. French Laundry? Never heard of it.

Legal Sea Foods * 1 Garden State Plaza, Paramus, NJ

Feeling Good in More Neighborhoods

 For better or worse, uptown residents can now get their riblets closer to home. The city’s latest Applebee’s recently appeared in the new mall at Bronx Terminal Market and according to this Craigslist ad, the soon-to-open Harlem Applebee’s is hiring.

I’ve been semi-seriously toying with the idea of extricating myself from office work, though I don’t neccessarily see myself as a server, cook, dishwasher, host, bartender or expediter (all available positions). I haven’t worked food service since 1990 when I was a dough maker in a delivery-only Pizza Hut.

Then again, the ad does say, ”experience is a PLUS” not a requirement.

P.F. Chang's

Did I love it? Not until I had a few drinks in me and they began playing Morrissey (godspeed).

It’s hard to judge a restaurant like P.F. Chang’s. Compared to the Americanized Chinese food found on every NYC block, it’s better on many levels. While it’s pointless pitting it against Chinese Chinese food, I’d go as far as saying it’s a suburban Shun Lee Palace. Less finesse and history, sure, but you’ll get similar garishness and fanfare at a fraction of the price.

For comparison, P.F. Chang’s has Philip’s better lemon chicken, “Lightly dusted and quick-fried chicken served with broccoli in a tart, sweet citrus sauce” for $12.95 while Shun Lee Palace has $26.95 lemon chicken “Chicken breast coated with egg batter and rolled in water chestnut flour then fried till crispy, served with shredded lemon and a velvety lemon sauce.” Ok, the latter does sound more alluring but I do wonder how different the two really are. And who eats lemon chicken, anyway?

Do not fool yourself into thinking this is Chinese food for those who can’t handle it or are unable to discern the real thing. Initially, I was surprised at the number of multi-generational Chinese families waiting for tables at P.F. Chang’s, but it’s kind of silly to think that Chinese in America would only eat at restaurants with fluorescent lighting and delivery guys on bicycles.

Normally, I’m not one for sweet cocktails but you feel obligated to order one at a fancy chain. The lucky cat martini, despite containing vanilla vodka, pineapple juice and Chambord, wasn’t that sugary. In fact, it was actually kind of bitter even though that makes no sense.

The dumpling heavy dim sum platter wasn’t anything special. They steamed, filled crescents of dough weren’t mushy but the fillings were all kind of dull and flat. Beef seemed indiscernible from pork and I prefer whole shrimp over a ground mousse. I do appreciate a crab wonton, though. The most fun was playing with the numerous sauces (there was an additional set off to the side). I’m a sucker for condiments even though the sauce they mix for you of hot mustard, soy sauce and chile paste seems kind of haphazard. What’s wrong with eating each of those on their own?

The entrees were stronger than the appetizers. Orange peel shrimp was tasty in that candied, crisp fried way that makes sesame chicken and general Tso chicken so appealing. The peel’s bitterness did help balance the sweetness.

Chengdu spiced lamb contained thick, tender hunks of something. I’m not fully convinced that this beefy tasting meat was lamb at all. Even though this dish wasn’t really like any Sichuan lamb I’ve had--it wasn’t particularly cuminy or spicy-- it was kind of good in its own way. The meat had a charred smokiness and the sauce had an unidentifiable savoriness, perhaps from a bean based chile paste.

$2 mini desserts seem to be the thing now. I also noticed them at Carrabba’s. And they do suck you in. I would’ve said no to after dinner sweets but how much harm could a small treat cause? James had the small Great Wall of Chocolate. My incongruous lemon tres leches cake was confusing at it sounded. It was more like lemon pudding layered with graham cracker crumbs and reminded me of the desserts you find in Cooking Light. I frequently use the magazine for mid-week meals but their sweets are disappointing.

I got an eyeful of the plastic display Great Wall of Chocolate cake on its round metal tray on the way out and I’m almost convinced that you could spot it from outer space (urban myth be damned) it was that large. Mini desserts were wise.

One chain hallmark is the music piped outdoors for the pleasure of patrons quoted one-hour-waits while being handed chunky plastic beepers. As I assessed this gargantuan horse statue of indeterminate dynasty, Suedehead was playing. The video with Morrissey gadding about Fairmont, Indiana, James Dean’s hometown, tracing the young actor’s steps, making a pop culture icon personal, an outsider surrounding himself in artifacts of no import. Riding a lawnmower, sitting astride an Indian bike, reading James Whitcomb Riley in a barn, passing time in a diner…um, and playing bongos in a cow field. 

Immersing myself in East Coast suburbs is a pilgrimage of my own. I can’t help it that I get swept up eating American-Chinese food in New Jersey.

Morrissey - Suedehead - Watch more Music Videos at Vodpod.

P.F. Chang’s * 3545 US Hwy. 1, Princeton, NJ